My question is how to live your life... We know so many truths in life..... like happiness is the key... its all about using the right side of the brain... about focusing on the right things in life...no expectations ... but so difficult to implement ... Ideally its just to switch off the train of negative thoughts... but it feels so difficult to do that... is it really so difficult? Guess we dont want to take the easy option... We love to get sympathies...
How much ever you pretend that you hate being the subject of the conversation but the moment any problem pops the first thing that comes to your mind is talk about it and not to think and focus on the solutions...
This friday 5th of Oct 2012... life took a very unexpected turn for me... I planned my daughter's snack for the school... took a wonderful bath and headed to see the second one ... i was going for a routine pregnancy check up...So many thoughts were going across my mind ... like aaru my daughter wud have loved to come with us. My daughter is so excited about the whole baby thing that I was seeing her love increasing every day and that she was so desperate and happy to get the small baby....One day she said to me "mama we need to keep the doors closed as the baby can go out...", "mama i want to be a achi didi to the baby I love the baby a lot mama" , "mama u cant dance in kaku's marriage... the baby will get hurt" huh... After hearing all this i was feeling I am the luckiest mom on earth ... how beautiful it will be when i will get the baby home and my aaru will feel so excited to touch him/her and fascinated by the way baby will grow day by day... Thinking all this I am planning for the rest of the day... like after coming back I have to do this and that... and made a list of all the queries i had to ask from my doc... It was a routine crowded hospital... and I had to do the normal weight checks and BP checks etc... but was thinking ... today we will take less time than before... they just need to answer my questions and may be do a scan. I was called earlier than before as I expected... doctor asked me to lie down and a junior doc came to get the heart beat of the baby.. She dint look very confident... so I was like ... y junior doctor to me ... So the doc said we will get the heart beat in the scan machine... so i went for that and suddenly the junior doctor is blankly looking at the screen with a scary expression... It took my breath away and i thought to myself does she even understand how anxious her looks r making me at this time... Highly irresponsible and slow.... Yes i had a doubt but i shooed my negative thoughts coz they always spoil the fun... we shud be positive in life... I told to myself... Amit came over and told to the junior doc ... that we saw a wonderful scan in the other machine last month. And i was thinking the baby looked so beautiful that day... and so active...then came my doc... She took over the scanner and stood there quietly..... my heart beat became faster and then came the announcement ... "we are not able to get the heartbeat" and blank..... I felt the quiet inside and outside... I had already started to cry inside... but still was waiting for somebody to say... may be its wrong we will check again or ... we can do this to save the baby or anything positive... But nothing or nobody came to my rescue. Doc suggested we can take our time to plan for the procedure... but they dint know we had still not accepted it... What can help us banging our heads on wall... or screaming or crying or wat... Nothing... Thats life..... You dont plan things here.... somebody else does and you need to change your plans accordingly and start all over again ...
Now I was thinking wat will I tell to my aaru when she asks me" mama how was the scan how is the baby "
Neways... came back home broke the sad news to all and depression, sadness.. darkness... confusion was increasing to power of infinity... But we are helpless human beings in the hands of nature... You have to accept. Aaru came back from school and first thing she asked was "mama how was the scan is it already march " as I was due in march and she thought we have to go to get the baby out... We took second opinion which did not change nything for us and planned the same day for the procedure...
So how it is done is you get admitted into the labour ward of the hospital... so there will be ladies delivering their babies and I was expelling dead tissues from my body. Some people are creating life and some have to just go through almost everything same except taking back the baby... you just get the prescription , lots of pain mental and physical on the way back.... The nurses and doctors ... no matter how much they try if they do... cant make you feel better coz you can see that you are the last priority on nybodys mind... u r not here for a fruitful job...so scream, bleed, expel and get out... .. No hard feelings for anybody... thats the truth.
I feel depressed.. but at the same time i feel lighter as this whole episode taught me one thing... dont wait for things to happen.. They will happen as they have been planned by somebody else... You need to only take care of present...difficult but the truth... do it today... watever... tomorrow may not come... ur happiness is in only today...gather it with both hands...you will never repent. I am thankful to God that he has gifted me a wonderful daughter who has taught me so many things in life... I told her that baby was not well so God took her back to take care of her and he may give us back if he thinks she will be fine here... and she accepted it with an innocent smile. We need to do exactly the same.
जब जब दर्द का बदल छाया
जब गम का सागर लहराया
जब आंसू पलकों तक आया
जब ये तनहा दिल घबराया
हमने दिल को ये समझाया
दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है
दुनिया में यु ही होता है
ये जो गहरे सन्नाटे है
वक़्त ने सबको ही बांटे हैं
थोडा गम है सबका किस्सा
थोड़ी धुप है सबका हिस्सा
आँखें तेरी बेकार ही नाम हैं
हर पल एक नया मौसम है
क्यों तू ऐसे पल खोता है
दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है
How much ever you pretend that you hate being the subject of the conversation but the moment any problem pops the first thing that comes to your mind is talk about it and not to think and focus on the solutions...
This friday 5th of Oct 2012... life took a very unexpected turn for me... I planned my daughter's snack for the school... took a wonderful bath and headed to see the second one ... i was going for a routine pregnancy check up...So many thoughts were going across my mind ... like aaru my daughter wud have loved to come with us. My daughter is so excited about the whole baby thing that I was seeing her love increasing every day and that she was so desperate and happy to get the small baby....One day she said to me "mama we need to keep the doors closed as the baby can go out...", "mama i want to be a achi didi to the baby I love the baby a lot mama" , "mama u cant dance in kaku's marriage... the baby will get hurt" huh... After hearing all this i was feeling I am the luckiest mom on earth ... how beautiful it will be when i will get the baby home and my aaru will feel so excited to touch him/her and fascinated by the way baby will grow day by day... Thinking all this I am planning for the rest of the day... like after coming back I have to do this and that... and made a list of all the queries i had to ask from my doc... It was a routine crowded hospital... and I had to do the normal weight checks and BP checks etc... but was thinking ... today we will take less time than before... they just need to answer my questions and may be do a scan. I was called earlier than before as I expected... doctor asked me to lie down and a junior doc came to get the heart beat of the baby.. She dint look very confident... so I was like ... y junior doctor to me ... So the doc said we will get the heart beat in the scan machine... so i went for that and suddenly the junior doctor is blankly looking at the screen with a scary expression... It took my breath away and i thought to myself does she even understand how anxious her looks r making me at this time... Highly irresponsible and slow.... Yes i had a doubt but i shooed my negative thoughts coz they always spoil the fun... we shud be positive in life... I told to myself... Amit came over and told to the junior doc ... that we saw a wonderful scan in the other machine last month. And i was thinking the baby looked so beautiful that day... and so active...then came my doc... She took over the scanner and stood there quietly..... my heart beat became faster and then came the announcement ... "we are not able to get the heartbeat" and blank..... I felt the quiet inside and outside... I had already started to cry inside... but still was waiting for somebody to say... may be its wrong we will check again or ... we can do this to save the baby or anything positive... But nothing or nobody came to my rescue. Doc suggested we can take our time to plan for the procedure... but they dint know we had still not accepted it... What can help us banging our heads on wall... or screaming or crying or wat... Nothing... Thats life..... You dont plan things here.... somebody else does and you need to change your plans accordingly and start all over again ...
Now I was thinking wat will I tell to my aaru when she asks me" mama how was the scan how is the baby "
Neways... came back home broke the sad news to all and depression, sadness.. darkness... confusion was increasing to power of infinity... But we are helpless human beings in the hands of nature... You have to accept. Aaru came back from school and first thing she asked was "mama how was the scan is it already march " as I was due in march and she thought we have to go to get the baby out... We took second opinion which did not change nything for us and planned the same day for the procedure...
So how it is done is you get admitted into the labour ward of the hospital... so there will be ladies delivering their babies and I was expelling dead tissues from my body. Some people are creating life and some have to just go through almost everything same except taking back the baby... you just get the prescription , lots of pain mental and physical on the way back.... The nurses and doctors ... no matter how much they try if they do... cant make you feel better coz you can see that you are the last priority on nybodys mind... u r not here for a fruitful job...so scream, bleed, expel and get out... .. No hard feelings for anybody... thats the truth.
I feel depressed.. but at the same time i feel lighter as this whole episode taught me one thing... dont wait for things to happen.. They will happen as they have been planned by somebody else... You need to only take care of present...difficult but the truth... do it today... watever... tomorrow may not come... ur happiness is in only today...gather it with both hands...you will never repent. I am thankful to God that he has gifted me a wonderful daughter who has taught me so many things in life... I told her that baby was not well so God took her back to take care of her and he may give us back if he thinks she will be fine here... and she accepted it with an innocent smile. We need to do exactly the same.
जब जब दर्द का बदल छाया
जब गम का सागर लहराया
जब आंसू पलकों तक आया
जब ये तनहा दिल घबराया
हमने दिल को ये समझाया
दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है
दुनिया में यु ही होता है
ये जो गहरे सन्नाटे है
वक़्त ने सबको ही बांटे हैं
थोडा गम है सबका किस्सा
थोड़ी धुप है सबका हिस्सा
आँखें तेरी बेकार ही नाम हैं
हर पल एक नया मौसम है
क्यों तू ऐसे पल खोता है
दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है
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