Change happens in an instant, what is required is the Desire

I was wondering sitting one day how did it all start. Thanks to God that I am a privilleged mother who can see the life beginning from scratch. When you plan the baby, you mentally prepare yourselves that yes you are ready for a third one with you, you are going to be more responsible, you will not be able to do wild outings anymore and of course that you will not use any external barriers to stop the wonders of mother nature to happen ;) nobody stops you to add spices to the process. Nyways I am digressing :D the point is you do all that but the instant ..you give birth to a child and hold him/her in your hands... that instant is magical. You cant capture these things in photographs, nor can you explain what changes happen in your body or mind ... but your life ahead follows the consequences. Its natural to forget those things though but we learn in an instant and to my knowledge that instant can be defined by the moment you become curious , take a step and experience and as a consequence learn something. This instant if repeated leads to knowledge. I have seen my daughter learn things in such instants, they try and learn till the time we chip in and start telling them what is right and what is wrong. Like when they start to walk , they fall hundred times but they learn one day in an instant. First time they hold their brush right... only if you let them hold on their own.I sometimes wonder if our education system is sound enough to give us these magical instants. At least I was devoid of that system in my life. Rather my education was in central schools which I was proud of some time back... now also I am .. for they have taught us to respect culture, respect people irrespective of which class or religion they belong to. But education which i realised is nothing but the quest of constant curiosity and awareness of things around you, my schools failed. So many years of schools and college could not do what couple of days of solitude and meditation did. But it would have helped great deal if this process of knowing your surroundings had happened when you start to look around as an innocent child. I sometimes imagine if somebody had told me when i was trying to walk that I can't walk, its not human... may be I had never tried and walked. Thats the way most of us humans are. We even start doing certain things just because we know that others have also done it and normally look for people around us to decide if we should do this thing or not. We normally like to walk on the already explored roads because we want to be safe and dont want to take the chances. Right from getting up and brushing our teeth to sleep at night has been tried and tested and routined for us. We just follow it. I am not against following but I wonder if all of us had just done that... then who had time to think that we can fly one day and invent aeroplanes for us. Most of us like me complete engineering courses not knowing what they did and why they did... not knowing if this course could give answers to so many mysteries in the world, not knowing what all they could explore if they only plunged into the deep ocean of knowledge, get enlightened and invent their own things. For most of us being a scientist is too far but I feel most of us even failed to take the first step towards wisdom. Most of us dont even know why we r studying in a school, some get busy in creating robust scores , some struggle to just make it to the next class, when the motive is so much fun. Nobody told the kids that tell me what all books you want ... there are wonders hidden in there .. do you want to know how this train you are sitting in started to work? who invented it ..what was the principle? do you want to create one of you own... I wonder then how many of us could resist to unfold the mysteries of this beautiful wonderful world.

Scream5

I was talking to my mom intensely about where to keep this and that in the room to change the decor of the house... and suddenly it struck to me ...Where is Aaru ???? Suddenly panic and anxiety rushed into my blood stream as it normally does by the slightest hint of not being able to see aaru where I expected.My third eye was permanently dedicated to her ... soon after she was born. Today I missed to check on her for like five minutes .... How could I ... I was cursing myself like anything . Her twinkling eyes were flashing in my eyes continuously ... and I was running around like a maniac. I tried to calm myself, because I had already panicked my mom, when I know that her age can not take so much of pressure. I said to myself..ok make a plan, first check all the rooms, I had already checked them twice, thought ok bathroom , she sometimes sits behind the doors when she gets angry with her "mom and dad" that's what she calls us these days. I have so many times heard her saying to her best friend ( one and a half feet tall teddy bear ) Balu " Balu .... this is my mam and daaaaaaad OK" :))) . I slowly opened the bathroom door as I had already hurt her twice by the door. Once I had very irresponsibly opened the main door, without realising she could be standing by the door and had hurt her toe nail so bad.... that it bled... she cried the whole night and next day and the nail finally came out completely and she could not wear her shoes for almost 3 weeks. Next I had put her in the bathroom in one of my stupid disciplinary moves , where in she got angry instead and closed the door and was waiting for her dad to come by the door, when i opened the door in panic thinking that she might lock it from inside, when her hand came under the door. This time it was not that bad though but it hurts when they get hurt and esp. when you do something stupid to become the reason. Then I was trying to see which door i missed suddenly I realised that there is a backdoor in the house, I rushed only to realise that it is wide open. Whenever I visit my mom in law's house in village or the town or to my mom's, like a maniac I keep closing the doors as soon as anybody exits from the house. Sometimes if I am busy with some work, I keep asking my husband or my mom in law or mom or whoever available not exactly whoever available but whom I trust to check the door and see where aaru is and today ??? I only panicked more, kept assuring myself, she is around dont worry just keep checking. I did not even know which direction to check.There were four straight roads I could see in front of my eyes , four long roads , and for a kid like aaru who is only scared of monsters and witches which I dont even know if existed also, she could walk in any direction. I just ran in random directions, my feet not supporting my mind everything looked hazy one because mind was giving me the signals I did not want to recieve and two because my eyes were watering unstoppably. I saw somebody on the street , it was dark with some street lights on, " Excuse me ... "I could not speak clear as I would not stop crying..still I thought If I dont try I will not be able to find her. "Have you seen a two and a half year old girl?" I suddenly thought aaru looked more like a boy may be I must say a boy, what was her dress, what is her birth mark... I could not remember anything. He did not seem to understand anything what I said..without wasting time I ran in other direction , it was an uphill , I kept running uncontrollably could not feel my feet but heart which was beating so hard , it felt like a drum. I saw few people sitting on the hillock under the canopies. I asked "Have you seen a two and a half year old kid , tall, fair, she... " Suddenly I realised they dont speak my language and are looking at me like aliens I could not figure out what to do... I dint even remember where was my mom , my husband ... everything felt so confusing.. I just wanted to cry hard but how could I, I had to keep searching ... I suddenly realised that there was an open canal dug near the house..I ran hard... kept running .I kept calling out on the road aaru do you want choci ?? do you want icecream? Do you want cashew? aaru mama will cry please some... Normally these things work with her , but today nothing was wrking. I came down to the canal .. saw in all directions called out her name and hoped she will show out from some direction. But she did not. Finally I thought the last chance is to jump in the canal may be ... Suddenly I cried out hard and turned to find aaru sleeping on the bed, hugging her dad..huh... I took two minutes to breathe in , eyes were wet, hands shivering.... God forbid. I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful and slept...